A Friendly Column for Anyone Considering Quitting Debate

Table of Contents:

1. Intro
2. My personal history in debate
3. Now what?: Answering my own questions about what comes after
4. Conclusion

Intro

Note:

This surrounds my own experiences - yours may be totally different, and that’s okay! I want to reinforce that I am not a therapist, or a professional of anything. I am a former debater - that is the extent of my expertise on this topic. 

Why did I write this?:

When I felt like quitting debate, it was a really hard and awkward decision to make. As debate moves back in person, I’m confident that healthy relationships with debate will abound. But as long as debate remains a competitive event for competitive folks, there will always be someone thinking of quitting, and these are my reflections on that decision. 

Reflections on my own experience

When I started participating in Lincoln Douglas, I was attracted to the academic allure, the glory, and the possibility of traveling across the nation. I also cared about doing things the “right” way - based on my conversations with other debaters, the right way seemed like researching and competing - a lot. I’m pretty sure I was burned out by the end of my sophomore year. This brings me to a side note: regardless of whether you stay or quit, take care of yourself. Otherwise, your body will decide for you. Perhaps you may not know what self-care means for you, and this could be an opportunity to find out. 

I tried to stick with debate. I wanted to know what it felt like to be truly good at something - to be the best. I had an apparently unhealthy relationship with debate. I was not the person I wanted to be when I was doing debate. I did and said things that ranged from silly to hurtful. I cannot change how I affected others, and those are the realities and lessons I am left with. Many people pointed this unhealthy dynamic out, but there were a few things that kept me from quitting:‍

1. Sunken Cost Fallacy:

At the time, I had started my school’s team and had devoted large swaths of my life to debate. Thus the thought of divorcing myself from it felt like a total waste - which is a totally valid fear. The pressure of college apps compounded it even more for me - but the definition of the sunken cost fallacy is that abandoning an investment is more beneficial with sticking with it. It was for me - it could be helpful to ask whether that is the case for you.

2. “Quitting was bad” (in a variety of ways): 

It’s common for ideas such as “quitting is for losers” to be repeated- especially if you’re from an immigrant family like me. These days, I tend to think that quitting can be an act of self-preservation. By not investing yourself into something that may not yield high returns (personally, professionally, etc.), you’re freeing yourself up for other opportunities - ones you might not have considered before. Humans quit lots of things, and sometimes we stick with something. High School debaters are teenagers, so that’s all the more true, as most of us are still figuring ourselves out. Trying new things is lowkey the job description of this stage in life. Quitting (whether it’s debate / piano lessons / a volunteer position) gives us the potential to do something else, and that can be exciting!

3. Quitting debate meant something was wrong with me:

Debate is associated with many positive traits like intelligence, grit, and articulateness. Quitting debate felt like giving up the privilege to claim those traits as my own. But a lot of intelligent people do things that are not debate. Being good at debate is not the only way to be smart, persistent, or articulate. It is a way. And it's chill if it's not your way. When I think about the most (significant, cool, remarkable, take your pick) people in history, a very small percentage know what a counterplan is. Finally, there are many known inequities in debate that affect competition on every level, and that’s just facts.

 4. I felt alone:

Debate can feel like a bubble - one in which everyone has chosen to not quit debate. This is actually the main reason why I wanted to write this. Tons people quit debate - that’s why organizations like W.In were created! Others stick it through - and those are going to be the only ones you meet. So at any point through this process, if you are feeling alone, it can be helpful to remember that you aren’t. Whether you stay with debate or leave, someone else has made that decision before - likely with similar questions, doubts, and hopes for the future. 

‍5. Underlying challenges with self esteem: 

I wanted to be good at debate to prove that I was good at something. There’s a lot to unpack here - debate is not a determinant of worth or future success. The world is so wide. In comparison, the magnitude of high school debate is small. There is a universe of beliefs, actions, skills, and values from which to draw worth. Moreover, many people in debate are in positions of privilege, and have the opportunities and resources to try new things and join cool communities. There are options, and recognizing that helped me find worth past debate.

Questions from past me - answered by me

Will I Have Wasted all my time? (And Others)

Many people will have many takes on this, and this is just my personal take. It depends on what you consider “a waste.” If you end debate without attaining a goal (I quit having never broken) and you put in a lot of effort into doing so, then yes, your efforts will not have paid off towards your goal, and that really sucks. At the same time, learning through experience is a cool part of life. I learned how to read dense literature, some funny debate stories, and that I don’t enjoy intense competition. Maybe I’d have been happier, more successful, etc. if I’d done something else, or if I had been better at debate, but I don’t know that. All I know is that things would have simply been different. 

What else will I do with my time?

Whatever makes sense for you! For me, it meant getting into electronics, writing, and fungi identification. It also meant grieving the loss of a dream / important activity; this has faded with time. I don’t know what’s best for you, but in my personal experience, it's fun (also hard) to figure out your own answer. (See Footnote)

Conclusion

When I look towards the future,  I’m super hopeful for all the debaters out there! There are many kind, genuine, intelligent people within this community, and I wish nothing more than for y'all to find joy in what you do. And - debate is a very small world, and there is so much joy that can also be found outside of it. 

Amidst this ride, if you are thinking of quitting, ask yourself: is doing debate making you happy? If the answer is no, that’s not a badge of honor. It’s something that deserves your attention - whatever that means to you - because you deserve to do things that make you happy. 

About me:

Hi! I am a real person who left debate and ended up fine. I’m currently an undergrad at UC Berkeley studying math and data-sci. I love flamingos, electropop, and jogging at night. 

Footnote:

If you like books, here’s some I’d love to recommend (some are kind of on the depressing end so maybe not for every mood but they’re meaningful reads)

1. Breasts and Eggs - Mieko Kawakami
2. The Atlas Six - Olivia Blake
3. Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
4. Bloodchild and Other Stories - Octavia Butler
5. Stories of Your Life and Others - Ted Chiang
6. The Poppy Wars - RF Kuang (a former debater!)
7. Hangasman -  Shirley Jackson 
8. We, the Survivors - Tash Aw
9. Dear America, Notes from an Undocumented Citizen - Jose Antonio Vargas
10. Trust - Herman Diaz
11. Lessons in Chemistry - Bonnie Garmus
12. A Children’s Bible - Lydia Millet
13. The Sellout - Paul Beatty
14. The millennium problems - Kieth Devlin